Dear Man at the Next Urinal

Dear Man at the Next Urinal,

            Men have a very well known rule that when using a urinal you leave a one-urinal gap between you and any other man. However sometimes this is not possible, for instance at one of my favorite pubs, Paddy Coyne’s, there are only two urinals. When this happens you simple stare at the wall in front of you.

            However, Man at the Next Urinal you decided to stare at my manhood throughout the entire time we relieved ourselves. THAT IS NOT OKAY. That is really awkward and invasive. I don’t know you and I don’t want to know you now, so why are you even looking at me at all? I think you need a serious refresher in man law.

            Maybe one explanation for why you’re staring at me so intently is because possible you’re gay? Which is fine. But if you are, don’t you think you’re being a little forward right now?

            Oh yeah and the situation is now made worse by that fact that you’re sitting at the table across from us. Now I get to look at you for the next hour as I try and enjoy my meal.

            So Man at the Next Urinal, first of all, STOP LOOKING AT ME. Second, go home, call up a man friend and have him give you a refresher on man law and proper urinal use.